Can I just say WOW! Putting pictures of yourself on your website for the first time is an experience and roller coaster of emotions. Especially if you aren’t the [fill in blank] that you want to be. The pictures you see on the pages were taken on the morning of my MBA graduation. This was strategically designed to cut costs for hair and makeup and because I knew no matter what I’d be genuinely happy.
I knew that day would be the day where my strength would show even though I was full of self-doubt. I felt pretty with the hair and makeup but it didn’t quiet the voices. I didn’t look at any proofs of the photos as I didn’t want to get in my head. I figured I had plenty of time to criticize them later. My sister came with me and she was the perfect cheerleader. She kept me positive while I was itching for it to end. I feel like I robbed myself of some of the experience.
When I saw the pictures for the first time while I knew the pictures turned out beautiful, perfect I might even add. I mean the photographers @erinjake far exceeded my expectations. I couldn’t stop myself – those legs, that roll, does my arm really look like that? I was literally holding my breath until I saw a shot with my head angled the right way. There I was sitting and viewing amazing photos and I had to go into it like a business meeting and remove the emotion. I had to pick what I knew looked right for the website. While I kept my composure inside I was beating myself up. Know what I am talking about?
I showed the pictures to a few family members and friends, ones that would tell me the truth. And can you guess, they all LOVED the pictures. They said how beautiful I was and that they looked like me and showed my personality. That’s all I could ask for, right? Writing this blog is therapeutic for me. It’s allowing me to shut down my inner monologue and reclaim my power. I let my secret out and am speaking my truth - which for me helps. In the end I am a strong beautiful person despite where my physical appearance is any given time. I am someone who is working hard to achieve my goals both personally and professionally. I am lucky. And I chose to share my photos with you and let you into my struggle. There isn’t any editing to change my apperance except to remove the rest of a half removed tattoo (I know, of all things).
In the end I’m just me. And to me I’m perfectly imperfect.
Now some of you may view me as weak, some may relate and some may see me as strong. That’s a risk I am willing to take. Speaking your truth is a risk – a very right risk to take. You can view me as you’d like as I’ve chosen to see myself as a strong confident Girl on the Rise.